Sacred Orgasms

Chapter 4 of Sacred Orgasms.
Copyright © 1992 Kenneth Ray Stubbs, Ph.D.
All Rights Reserved, used by permission. 

Tantra (pronounced tahn'trah)
        today in the Western world
        has come to mean
        spiritual sexuality
                Indeed, tantra has almost become the generic term
                for all styles/traditions of spiritual/meditative sexuality

Tantra
        which is part of both
                some Hindu and some Buddhist teachings
        actually is far more encompassing
        than sex done spiritually

Tantra embraces all:
        birth, death, pleasure, pain
        wealth, poverty, beauty, ugliness
        joy, sadness, anger, fear, ecstasy
        sex, celibacy

Tantra basically is a teaching of acceptance
        a teaching of non-attachment

        When we are grasping an object / action / outcome
                we are attached
                there is no freedom

        When we are avoiding an object / action / outcome
                we are attached
                there is no freedom

        It is through the acceptance of all
                        as it is

                    that we become/are free

Acceptance

is not submission
is not giving up
Here, acceptance means non-attachment

By embracing the present

while letting go of

expectations of the future and
comparisons with the past

we can fully dance with life

(and death)

There is no good / bad

no right / wrong
no spiritual / evil

only suffering

unless/until we let go of our attachments

Neither being sexual nor being celibate

is preferable

If we feel superior/inferior because we are / aren't sexual,

we are attached

If we feel superior/inferior because we are / aren't celibate,

we are attached

If we feel superior/inferior when we do / don't masturbate,

we are attached

If we feel superior / inferior because we do / don't do

heterosexual actions
or homosexual actions
or bisexual actions

we are attached

If we feel superior / inferior because we do / don't

go to church / synagogue / the ashram / etc.
pray / meditate
tithe / donate
or do any other religiously sanctioned action

we are attached

There are other words for superior:

pious, proud, arrogant, egotistic, patronizing, condescending

There are other words for inferior:

guilt, shame, worthless, incompetent, unimportant,
dumb, awkward

It is neither in the doing-ness nor in the non-doing-ness
It is in how we relate to an object / action / outcome

that makes the difference

If we are attached to an object / action / outcome,

sooner or later we will be in

physical / emotional pain / discomfort

when the object is no longer there

or is there when we don't want it there

when the action is too slow, too fast, too...
when the outcome is different than

we had hoped / expected

sooner or later we will be in

what the Buddha termed dukkha

(pronounced doo' kah)

which is loosely translated as suffering

So, do we simply

stop doing the bad behaviors?
start doing the good behaviors?

The answer is not in the stopping or starting

Rather, we shift how we relate

to what we be / do / have

We transform the grasping energy
We transform the avoiding energy

How to transform energy?

To find that answer, those answers
is why some of us search the world

for gurus

or any other form of high priest/ess

That is why some of us spend years

sitting at a master's feet

That is why some of us enter monasteries and convents

When we are able to

transform / convert / transubstantiate / transmute the energy

at will

we are liberated
we are enlightened
we are in nirvana
or in Christian terms

we have entered the Kingdom of God / Queendom of Goddess

There are many paths

to learn ways to transform energy

Sex is one of those paths

Sex is a path to liberation
Sex is a path to enlightenment
Sex is a path to the King / Queendom of God / dess

Sex is not the only path

not the best path for all of us

but definitely a powerful path

Here, though,

sex is usually not the sex

that most of us do most of the time

Here, sex is not

just the contemporary sex characterized earlier

A more accurate concept for sex

intended to transform energy

would be meditative sex

Some would say spiritual sex
Either term is suitable

as long as we do not slip into a belief

that spiritual sex is superior to

flesh sex
base sex
friction sex
passionate sex
raw sex

Meditative sex has its varied forms
Contemporary sex has its varied forms

Sometimes the forms look the same

Sometimes the forms look very different

In many schools of tantra

there are at least four major types of meditative forms:

mantra (mon'trah)
mudra (moo'drah) and asana (ah'sah nah)
pranayama (prah nah yah'mah)
yantra (yawn'trah)

A mantra is a sound or series of sounds

sometimes vocally produced
sometimes silently imagined
sometimes sounds from nature,

from musical instruments,
or other sources

OM is the most noted
Amen is similar in the West
Likewise, The Lord's Prayer is a mantra
Ummmm and oooh could be sexual mantras

A mudra is a body gesture or posture

especially with the hands

An asana is specifically a body posture

In meditations, gestures and postures

are often combined

Jesus is often depicted standing

with his arms, hands, and fingers
in definite positions

The palms placed together while praying

is another mudra

The Buddha sitting cross-legged is common

in the East

Sexual positions can be asanas

Pranayama is conscious breathing in specific patterns

Rapid inhalation and exhalation

through the nostrils
is one of the more well-known Eastern forms

Sports training and singing training

often utilize certain breathing techniques

Sometimes Western sex therapy teaches

that holding our breath
inhibits the orgasm response - so breathe!

A yantra is a visual representation

often using geometric shapes

A yantra can be observed externally

or visualized internally

A mandala is a yantra with a circular motif
Symbols, colors, pictures, all can be yantras
The cross,

with the horizontal bar at different positions,
is common across cultures and across the ages

Botticelli's Birth of Venus is a renaissance yantra

Meditation, often,

simply is doing a mantra, mudra / asana, pranayama,

and / or yantra

At least, this is what meditation looks like

These are the forms we often learn first

Actually,

meditation is the conscious

awareness / attentiveness / mindfulness

while we are doing the meditation forms

Actually,

meditation is the conscious

awareness / attentiveness / mindfulness

during every moment

regardless of the form / non-form

we are doing / not-doing

if we remain consciously aware

So what is meditative sex?

Here is one image, using tantric forms:

sitting cross-legged in coitus

with our sexual partner

while chanting OM
while gazing into our partner's left eye

It's that simple

- unless we have difficulty sitting cross-legged

While this is accurate, it is only the humorous answer

Compared to contemporary sex,

tantric sex is far more ceremonial
There are elaborate methods of

nurturing and stimulating the senses
expressing devotion
honoring the sacredness of sexual union

Such a tantric sex ritual,

sometimes known as maithuna

(pronounced my thu'nah),

is at the other end of the spectrum

than the quickie

Though, in tantric philosophy,

both would be sacred

Maithuna is more intricate

in time, intent, and activity

The forms, however, are not what make

meditative sex meditative

It is the approach:

the awareness
the attentiveness
the mindfulness

These make sex meditative

Being in the present

being aware of sensations of skin touching skin
tuning into the pressure building in our pelvis

or elsewhere

hearing the sound of our breath,

our partner's breath

if we are with another / others

feeling our heart beat
being mindful of the muscular tension building

All these

without the past or the future
And if our mind goes to the past, to the future

we are even aware also

of the past / future images / thoughts

All this is meditative sex

regardless of the forms
regardless of whether we are doing what we term

masturbation, oral sex, anal sex,
genital-genital sex, tantric sex rituals,
or any other form of consensual sex

Some of us have been doing meditative sex all along

at least to some degree
at least some of the time

But to understand meditative sex

is to understand part of the paradigm shift:

we are more
than a physical body

Not more in the sense of

mental, emotional, physical, spiritual aspects

Rather, more in the sense

that the physical body is only one
of several systems

Tantric teachings hold that

there are other
coexisting, interacting systems
that each of us has

in varying degrees of development

Systems is my term
Some other terms are

energies
energy fields
subtle bodies
energy bodies
light bodies

These other systems are subtle

in the sense that the effects in the physical, material world
are not obvious

to most of us
most of the time

The most commonly taught subtle energy system is

the chakras

(pronounced shah'kras)

This is a system of energy centers

often thought of as along an imaginary axis

in the core of our physical body

from the bottom of our pelvis

(commonly called the first chakra)

to the inside top of our head

(commonly called the seventh chakra)

Most schools of meditation teach that

there are seven principal chakras

along the imaginary axis

with secondary chakras

throughout the body,
the number varying in different traditions

A clarification of our language:

chakras are not in the physical body

though a chakra's location can be conveniently identified
by naming an area of our physical body

Chakras, in Sanskrit,

means wheels or discs

they have also been described as

cone-shaped vortexes

More important, though, is their function:

Chakras are often considered

energy transformers

Analogously to the physical body's

digestion process transforming food,

the chakras transform energies

for us to utilize

Tantric meditations in general, usually, are designed

to awaken
to develop
to utilize

the energies and the functions
of the chakras and other subtle energy systems

Likewise, tantric sex rituals,

and most other forms of meditative sex,

are designed to do the same:

to awaken
to develop
to utilize

the energies and the functions
of the chakras and other subtle energy

The conscious

awareness / attentiveness / mindfulness
are, in a sense,
keys to the doors

of these not-so-physical systems
as well as the physical body system

Herein lies a fundamental contrast

to the Western

spirit-higher-than-the-flesh framework:

There is no denial of the physical body

no subjugation
no demeanment

Similarly, the physical body is

neither idealized, glorified, nor idolized

In tantra,

the extent to which the physical body and the subtle energy systems are

attuned
balanced
centered
coordinated
integrated
synchronized
unified

is the extent to which

we can transform energy

is the extent to which

we can fulfill our potential